A Girl Returning To Asia

Home & LB

2011-08-29T11:23:00.001-07:00

This weekend has been hectic but enjoyable. It's so good to be back home. After a non-stop 28 hour shift, I rushed home to get changed and was on the flight home. I ended up getting 6 hours of sleep over 48 hours but it was worth it. Even the air seems different at home. Better somehow.

Sunday morning the drive actually happened. I half expected it to blow off but in the end we had four sports cars in the entourage. Lawyer Boy (LB), Computer Guy (CG) with his fiancee, me and Laywer Boy's friend. It was a good road up the highlands and we ended up doing ridiculous speeds on winding roads. Cutting in and out of traffic, safely though.... and overtaking on single carriageways. I must admit that I got a little overcompetitive and had a narrow scrape when I took a sharp downhill bend a bit too quickly. Thank goodness for traction control and ABS, or else I'm convinced I would have skidded and hit the barriers.

But Sunday was good. CG and his fiancee were so sweetly still in love, holding each other's hands throughout breakfast. I took the opportunity to catch up with Lawyer Boy. I haven't seen him in over a year. I am glad he came because we started the drive early and Lawyer Boy hasn't woken up this early since he had to catch an international flight about a month ago. At least he made the effort.

I met LB again the same afternoon when he introduced me to his best friend TZ, whom he met when they were working in the same law firm. It was a Sunday so after the prolonged tea, we decided to get some rest and carry on in the evening. We each had dinner with our parents after which he came over to my house with the intention of going out for dessert but he ended up staying at my place to chat and left after 2 hours by which time it was past midnight.

Monday was a half day for LB and once again we met up for lunch followed by a spot of shopping. I accompanied him to the doctors as he got some medication for a flu. It felt odd to be accompanying him to the doctors. I offered to cause I thought the wait would be better with a friend, but there ended up being no queue and it felt oddly as though we were a couple and not just friends, whilst we were waiting for him to be called into the consultation. He briefly showed me his office as he grabbed his laptop and bag.

Dinner was meant to be at his best friend's apartment, TZ, but I was caught up at a family friend's dinner party so couldn't make it. But we have planned lunch tomorrow before I fly back. Lunch with both our parents (remember they have worked with each other years ago so are vaguely acquainted). I hope the parents do not think this lunch is of any significance.....

I seem to be seeing an awful lot of LB this trip.

2011-08-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

I finally got one day off today! After finishing a 24 hour call on Saturday, my registrar must have pitied me as I have been covering two jobs all month without a day off and he told me not to come in on Sunday for the morning ward round. Amazing.

So I got up early, went to the gym, had brunch with computer guy and went shopping for a new satnav wiith him. We talked about his upcoming wedding and the renovations on his apartment. I'm finally going to meet his fiancee this weekend as she is flying into town.

I'm also meeting Lawyer Boy this weekend. I'm going on a driving trip on Sunday morning with Computer guy, his fiancee and Lawyer Boy. I'm looking forward to meeting him as I haven't seen him since I met him a year ago in the UK. LB is moving to HK soon if he can find a job there and I suspect he's dating someone in HK.

It'll be good to meet up anyhow since I haven't seen him for so long and our only form of communication has been whatsapp. That application is amazing. So this weekend, I'm going back home. I miss home...

In the meantime, one of Computer Guy's friends has be-friended me on facebook and has been constantly messaging me. He's working in the middle east at the moment and he knows CG through cars and track racing. I'm going to call him Racer Boy (RB) as I have a feeling he may come up in future posts :)

NW

2011-08-14T09:26:00.000-07:00

I fell ill last week. After an intensive week at work without a rest day, I started with a dry tickly cough. Before I realised it, I was shivering and down with a high fever of 39.3 celcius. I was lucky that I had a day's rest with the national holiday, but ended up having to take an extra day off because the temperature wouldn't come down.

But I went back to work early in order to fullfil an on-call commitment such that I ended up working 36 hours straight without a break. By the end of it, I was completely exhausted and slept for the rest of the day.

Over the weekend, I met up with VC and his friends. VC hosted a house warming at his new apartment and threw a bbq party by the pool. Then today, VC organised another dinner with a different set of friends. It's nice that he is introducing me to his friends and at least now I know a few more people here.

And the biggest surprise of all was that I called computer guy to join us at dinner and he told me that NW was here for the night. NW's grandmother had passed away earlier this month and NW had to come here to settle a few family matters. So at long last, I finally got the chance to see him again.

He made me so happy. I really do have a soft spot for NW.....

Surgeons...

2011-08-04T07:14:00.000-07:00

So it's been only 4 days since I've started in my new surgical team but somehow it seems like a better place. I never realised just how unhappy I had been in the first surgical team. The registrars and junior consultant kept heaping abuse on not just the Medical Officers but also the House Officers. They would find fault with everything we did. If we made an honest mistake, instead of telling us what to do the next time, they would sneer and sarcastically tell us off in front of the patient. It was a commonplace occurrence that other teams would see us with our heads down getting scolded or insulted by the registrars or junior consultant.

We rallied together and supported each other psychologically and emotionally but it was a bit too much with the sarcasm, insults and long hours. I realise now having left that team, how bad the psychological abuse had been.

Now, although my registrar is not the most friendly guy on earth, at least he doesn't find fault with every single thing I do. He actually answers my questions and treats me like a human being.

I hope things improve from here on...

Only human

2011-07-26T08:48:00.000-07:00

It's taking a little bit more effort to acclimatise to this country. The surgical culture here is so different. The junior trainees are cut-throat, back-stabbing and super competitive. They are like rats that scramble over each other and go into a feeding frenzy when one of them gets run over.

Perhaps I paint a rather dramatic picture but I am not exaggerating. There is no bon homie that exists between the surgical residents here. Instead of a helpful culture of everyone pitching in to help, instead it is a culture of "to each their own". Thankfully, there are a sprinkling of non-general surgical trainees that are doing a short stint in general surgery.

These trainees are more normal and alive than the animalistic general surgical trainees. Apart from that, the hours are slowly wearing me down, but what is worse is that the registrars are unsupportive and put the blame on us when they omit to do or tell us something.

My house officers work even longer hours and my heart goes to them though we all share the blame if something doesn't get done. Sometimes the consultants and registrars forget that we are only human too...

CG is leaving

2011-07-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

I went out for dinner with CG tonight. After working for 30 hours straight, I went home and crashed. I was falling asleep as I was chewing my lunch! Managed to get some sleep then woke up in time to be an hour late for dinner with CG.

Over dinner, we discussed many things, among them the fact that NW runs a strip club.... I just had to clarify and confirm and he did. He realised then that I never knew that the bar was actually a strip club. But he insisted that there was nothing more that happened apart from the dancing. Apparently by 7pm, all the girls were home as they had families. He said that NW was really a good guy even though he ran a strip club, or rather, helps his father run it as the establishment actually belongs to his father.

CG is also moving back to my home country next month. He told me today and I'll be missing a good friend :( Although I haven't known him for long, he's helped me settle in and I'll miss him when he's gone.

Perhaps it is just as well that work is all-consuming at the moment. I just realised that 30 years is not far off and it looks as though I'll be spending that birthday alone.

Life

2011-07-10T08:09:00.000-07:00

So I went home for a whirlwind trip to my hometown before I started work here, and boy was I glad I did. I briefly met NW but only for 15 minutes as he was busy with business meetings and didn't get to see him again in that weekend. So I didn't get to ask him about his strip club.

I ended up spending most of the weekend with CG and two girls (his boss and her cousin) that followed him home for a holiday (they had not visited our country for several years).

It's amazing to think that I only met CG for the first time exactly a month ago. But since then, I've seen him more than I've seen NW in an entire year. I can't help but think that his fiancee is a lucky girl. Or rather his wife, since they are already registered as married. He's funny, helpful, intelligent and generous. In many ways, he reminds me of NW, except that CG is a lot more forthcoming than NW.

I guess I have NW to thank for introducing me to CG as CG is fast becoming one of my good friends in this country since I like him as a person and he has been immensely helpful and kind to me.

I only realised today that I am fast approaching the big 3-0. And still wondering when I am going to meet "The One", if I ever do.

Work has been crazy in that I am now starting work at 7am and have yet to get home before 10pm at night. I worked on Saturday as well and starting tomorrow, I will be working non-stop for 12 days in a row including three 30+ hour shifts.

But at the end of it, I get two days to speed home. Let's hope I can hold out!

Revelations

2011-06-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

So I went for dinner with CG and his friend today. It was a last minute thing and he dropped an invitation to join him and his friend for dinner, so I thought "Why not?"

All in all I had a good time as CG is an honestly nice, straightforward guy and his friend was also easy to talk to. But what I didn't expect, was finding out what NW actually does.

I may have mentioned that NW helps his father with his business in a nearby country. The topic came up fairly innocently as I was talking to CG before dinner today and then I mentioned that I didn't know why people would go to the hidden away quiet place where the business was. CG then mentioned that there was nothing there but bars, strip clubs and food.

I knew NW had been busy doing up the bar, but I hadn't realised it was a strip club....

I knew that the town was small and that prostitution was rife there, but it just never crossed my mind that the bar he mentioned that he was renovating and refurbishing was actually a strip club. I don't think CG realised that it was the first I had heard about it and I kept a straight face. But even now, I just can't believe it. Or maybe I can and I'm just deeply disappointed with NW.

To be fair, it is his father's business and not his own but still... How could he do such a thing?

The guy I have fallen for so many years ago and can't let go off in my heart and in my mind, helps his father run a strip club.......

@weeze I'm guessing who you are but can't be sure, feel free to drop me a line :)

The people I already know

2011-06-25T09:49:00.000-07:00

The Asian country that I am currently living in and where I will be spending the next six years of my life is completely new and foreign to me. Many people speak English but a lot more speak Mandarin, a language that I have never managed to master, despite numerous attempts. I can speak a little Japanese and French, but have never been able to master Mandarin.

When I say I am utterly foreign here, I speak a little white lie. I do know a few people in this country, thanks to friends. I will introduce them here as they may play a role in future posts.

There is NW who lives in my home country in Asia. He is the guy I fell head over heels for 7 years ago. We corresponded for a long time but eventually the relationship didn't work because we lived in different continents for those 7 years. But despite my swearing never to contact him again, I couldn't resist because I felt so comfortable with him and time and time again, I keep going back and wishing that we could end up together. I now think of him as the soulmate I will never get to marry.

There is CG (computer guy). He works in IT and one of NW's closest friends that he has known for over a decade. NW kindly introduced us recently and CG has been instrumental in helping me buy a car in this new country. CG is engaged and soon to be married to his fiancee. I don't know how much I will see him and his fiancee in the future but CG is a really nice person and I'm glad to know that NW counts him as a good friend. It speaks a lot for NW's character.

There is LB (lawyer boy, aka The Lawyer). He is a friend of NW that he has known for almost as long as he has known me. I met LB for the first time last year when NW invited him along to a dinner with me to make up the number so that we could order more dishes. Yes, that is a very Chinese thing to do! We hit it off and it turned out later that we attended the same university, our parents had worked together and his sister had been my classmate. LB visited me when he went to the UK last year and we got along like a house on fire. I don't know if he realises that I had and still have a big liking for NW. LB actually lives in my home country where NW is.

Then there is another lawyer, VC who is a friend of mine from high school who moved to this country about 3 years ago. We met up recently here and he is meant to be looking out for guys to introduce to me and I'm meant to help him find a girlfriend. And no, there is no mutual interest between the two of us.

So at the moment, that's a brief summary that might come in useful later.

Missing the UK

2011-06-23T09:53:00.000-07:00

This is meant to be one of the most advanced, efficient country in South East Asia. But I have not seen any evidence of it in the last fortnight. They have managed to mess up my medical registration and therefore I have to start work later, not be paid in the meantime, and yet have to go in to the hospital.

I have purchased a new car as well, and they tried to use my identification card to scrap and old car to get more profit. This is a luxury German car company. Seriously?

My premier cards have taken almost a fortnight to process despite them having access to their sister branch in my home country and they also messed up by not submitting the application for my mother's cards.

I'm tired of this country already. The women all wear crazy 3 inch heels and totter about and are incapable of any real work. They have ridiculous false eyelashes that they flutter, but when it comes to getting something done, it's just impossible.

I want to go home. Or rather, I want to go back to the UK.

The apartment I am staying in at the moment has got cracks appearing all over the paintwork and it is highly suspicious that the building work going on next door with a new condominium building is the cause of it. They work up till 9pm at night on Saturday as well!

On a personal note, I have had some contact with NW but still don't know when I'll be seeing him again. Is he really interested or is he just responding to my overkeen interest of him? What is it about him that makes me keep going back? I should be ashamed of myself for liking him so much when he hardly shows much interest in return :S

The lawyer, also a friend of NW, who had been messaging me numerous times a day has all of a sudden gone MIA about a week ago. I wonder why? Maybe he's lost interest, maybe he's too busy drinking and clubbing and dancing his nights away. Normally I would initiate contact, but to be honest, while I do miss him, I cannot stand anymore drama. Maybe he's back with his ex-, maybe he's met someone new. But I've had enough of wondering. If he can't be bothered to stay in touch then I'm writing him off. He's someone that my mother really does approve of, but while I like him, I find it difficult to stomach that his exes have included a pole dancer amongst others. How does that reflect on him? And how is it that at that age, he still goes out drinking and clubbing every weekend and often on weekdays as well?

Sometimes I wish I'd stayed in the UK and not come back to Asia. I miss feeling at home in the UK.

Nouvelle Vague ❉ I melt with You

2011-06-18T08:04:00.000-07:00

This song happened to be on my playlist tonight. It was on a mix tape that NW gave me for my birthday last year, after he visited me for the first time in the UK whilst attending a family wedding there.

I've only seen him once in the two weeks since I've been back. His grandmother has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and has been in and out of hospital and the hospice. His whole family is in a state of upheaval. And as a result, he's been rushed off his feet.

It's strange to be looking at the situation from a patient's perspective. I rarely stop to evaluate the situation from a patient or relative's perspective anymore. As a doctor in an already overburdened, understaffed NHS, I had been too busy running around trying to provide optimum clinical care to my patients. Rarely did I have a chance to sit down with a family and take my time to explain things although I always tried my best to give them time to ask any questions and clarify the management plan when I first admitted the patient.

Sadly, the only time I seem to physically sit down in a chair opposite a patient and their relatives is to break bad news. To tell them the diagnosis is cancer, to tell them they require an urgent life-saving operation, or to tell a family that their relative has passed away. It's not something I like to do, but it has to be done and I try to do it in the most humane, empathetic way possible.

Now, listening to NW's experience with his grandmother being admitted to hospital, I am beginning to see why patients do sometimes look at doctors with respect and place such importance on what we say, even if it is a few words that seems very ordinary to us.

It makes me grateful that I have the privilege of being among them.

A clean slate

2011-06-18T06:52:00.001-07:00

After ten years of studying medicine, graduating then working as a doctor in the UK, I decided to take the plunge and move back to my home country in Asia at the request of my parents. I'd promised them that as an only child I would eventually return after I had trained sufficiently. But midway through my surgical training, they had enough and wanted me home desperately. We settled on a compromise for my career, that I would work in a neighbouring Asian country instead that had good surgical training.

I never realised just exactly how many roots I had put out in that decade. I always thought of myself as a rolling stone that would never gather any moss. A bit of wanderer who would never quite settle down. So when I found myself devastated at having to move, I was surprised. And friends that I thought were just acquaintances started to rally around me and tell me how they would miss me. Indeed, in a way, I slipped away from my place in the UK. Many people still think that I am working there and only the closest friends know that I have left.

And so here I am trying to start life from scratch in Asia in my late-20s. My friends from school have moved on. Many have moved abroad, others have married or have children. I am still resolutely single, knowing that I would eventually return to Asia, I became a bit of a commitment phobe in the UK.

A new career in surgery where I will have to start from scratch, repeating my early surgical training. Starting in a new country... The only thing or rather the only person left from my old life is NW. My first love from when I was in medical school, the person I have never spent two consecutive days with, the person who has never lived in the same country as me since I've known him, the person I thought I could forget and leave behind.

But I now know that NW is my soulmate. There is little chance that we will end up together after all these years, so I have learnt to try and bury that hope. But I know that even if I end up marrying someone else to satisfy family, society and peer pressure, he will always have a very special place in my heart.

We don't always end up with a soulmate...

For now, work is what I want to concentrate on....because thinking of NW will drive me to distraction.